Oh, how she loved him
by Pandatyy
Summary: Oh, how she loved him. Seifer thought to himself as he starred at the door Quistis closed behind her, going back to the arms of another. If this was love, he prayed he would never feel it. (Squall / Quistis / Seifer)


The glass hit the floor with a resounding crash and Quistis winced as she faced the wrath of Squall's temper again.

She looked at the broken pieces of glass on the marble floor as she heard Squall walk away towards their bedroom. The silence in the room was deafening, only broken by the sound of him taking off his boots as he neatly placed them beside the door of their room. Even then, the noise did little to soften the tension in the room.

She wished Squall was drunk. Wished he was terribly drunk. This way, she would have an excuse for his actions. But no, he was perfectly sober. He was just having one of those days where he wished she was Rinoa… instead of her.

And more often than not, Quistis wished it was too.

Quistis sighed as she bended down to pick the bigger shards of glasses, careful to avoid the tiny specks that would hurt terribly if she accidentally stepped on any of them. Squall had become awfully temperamental ever since Rinoa left.

Word around Garden was that he chose Quistis over _her_ not long after the infamous war. But she knew what happened. She couldn't remember clearly, but it was somewhere along the lines of Rinoa being a kind and free-spirit, and she could never be bound by an institution, especially one which sold its services to the highest bidder.

Even Squall couldn't stop her from leaving, which he took as rejection, that she didn't want him enough to put aside her ideals for him.

Quistis was always there through their many quarrels before she left, trying her hardest to mediate. And when Rinoa finally left, word got around that their quarrels were about Quistis. It was ridiculous, but seeing how Squall spent more and more time with her after Rinoa left, it wasn't hard to see how the rumors started.

For awhile, she believed that perhaps a part of the rumors were true, at least the part where it was said that Squall loved her. But now, she knew better. Squall was only with her because he got lonely, and she was just there to fill up the gap that Rinoa left in his heart; one that she could never fill.

As she swept the smaller pieces of glass, she wondered just why she stayed with Squall. She questioned how silly her highly-intelligent brain was. But she knew that no matter how much she persuaded herself out of this… this relationship, if it could even be called one, her brainless heart never allowed her to.

So here she was again, another day, another tantrum. She made a mental note that she ought to buy more cups, maybe ones made of material that could handle Squall's bad days. Quistis wanted to laugh at that thought, but the only sound that came out was a sigh.

She heard Squall start the shower, and she cleaned up any last bits of glass before turning off the lights and walking towards their bed. She was elated when Squall asked her to move into his dormitory months ago.

She remembered how glorious it felt that morning when she unpacked her bags in Squall's room. But that very night, when they were in bed, Squall whispered _her_ name. He apologized again and again, but things were never the same again after that.

His moods worsened and before long, he barely concealed just how upset he was that Rinoa was no longer by his side. Selphie tried to console her, telling her that Squall was always moody, but Quistis never told her the things he said to her. How he would constantly compare her to Rinoa, how he would tell her to stop saying she loved him because her voice reminded him that it was not Rinoa saying that she loved him.

It was horrible. But the day she finally gave up trying to change his mind was burned into her memory, and despite her wishes that the use of GFs would take away that particular night from her mind, it stayed and was a daily reminder that she would never amount to anything more than a place holder in his heart for Rinoa.

She remembered with perfect clarity how Squall ran out of a meeting when he heard that Rinoa had called Selphie, asking how everyone was, and eager to give an update on her seemingly wonderful life. Quistis gave chase only to see Squall holding the phone against his ear, smiling the kindest, sweetest smile she had ever seen. Those few minutes that Squall was on the phone with her, was the happiest she had seen him in a long, long time.

And that same night, as Squall climbed on top of her, he pushed her blonde hair to the side, and covered her eyes. As she peaked through the little gaps of his clumsy hand that served as a blindfold, she saw his eyes shut tightly. She thought nothing of it, until he whispered Rinoa's name. This time, no apologies followed. Instead, he whispered sweet nothings all night, but she was dead sure that he was whispering them to _her_ , from how he punctuated every sentence with Rinoa's name.

She bit her lip as he whispered another woman's name while he pounded into her; desperately holding back tears. And with his final call, he crumbled over her, breathing heavily. She finally felt his hand move away from her eyes, and her eyes met his for the first time that night. She would always remember how his eyes were foggy with love.

Until he saw her blue eyes staring at him, her blonde hair sprawled around her head, and she saw his eyes snap back to reality. He immediately moved off her and lay on his side, back turned towards her. Quistis fought back tears as she lay naked and feeling completely alone on the bed she shared with Squall.

But she was stubborn, stubborn as a mule when it came to Squall. And she moved closer to him, placing her hand on his back, as if her loving act would somehow make him love her. If only.

Instead, all she got was a,

"Don't touch me."

And though she felt daggers pierce through her heart, stubbornness prevailed. She could feel how upset he was and she thought that if she could just show him how much she loved him, how she would do anything for him, he would finally realize that she was just right for him.

So she whispered softly, that she loved him, and she would do anything for him, anything to cheer him up. And his reply was the straw that broke the camel's back.

"Then become Rinoa."

Quistis felt her muscles cramp up, and withdrew her hand from his back. That night, she resigned to the fact that he would never love her. Never.

So they spent their days mostly in silence, Squall spoke to her more during meetings then when they were in their shared room. Besides living together and the heart-wrenching sex where he called out someone else's name repeatedly and kept his eyes shut, she was no different to him compared to any other member in Garden.

And tonight, he was in a horrible mood again, she could only imagine that Squall must have had experienced a situation where he desperately wished that Rinoa was with him. Quistis shook it off, as always as she climbed into bed. She tried her hardest to fall asleep before Squall came back, so that she could avoid that ghastly feeling of loneliness that always seemed to overcome her when she watched him move to the very edge of the bed with his back turned towards her.

But it was impossible, not after how he lashed out at her earlier, telling her how she was a horrible girlfriend, how she bothered him with her incessant talking and annoying questions. All she did was ask if he wanted dinner.

He looked across the table stoically as he assaulted her with his words. How he could hurt her so ferociously without flinching made her briefly wonder if he was a robot. The only evidence that he was upset was when he flung his drinking glass on the floor. Thankfully it was empty, less cleaning up, she thought then.

But to her disappointment, she was wide awake when Squall crawled into bed. She tensed immediately when she felt his side of the mattress sink. She opened one eye to look at him, her gaze tracing his sinewy muscles from his shoulders down his spine in the dark as he leaned down to rest his head on his pillow.

He was a beautiful specimen of a man. Perhaps that was why she was so willing to let him have his way with her, night after night. She liken herself to the shallow women who slept with Seifer, knowing they would never have him, but more than willing to put aside all dignity and logic for one night of pleasure with a handsome man.

She moved a little closer to Squall's back, still damp from his shower. She had learned not to get too close to him, least he hurt her with his harsh words again. Instead, she curled behind him, face close to his back, and she whispered,

"Good night Squall."

No response, seems like it was one of his better days.

She was wrong.

"Shut up, please."

Were his only words as he pulled the blanket over his shoulder.

Quistis breathed in sharply, feeling a horrible ache in her chest. She pressed her fist tightly over her heart and waited for sleep to overtake her so she could wake up to a hopefully better day.

But no, Hyne seemed to have forsaken her and denied her the sleep she so desperately begged for.

After minutes that felt like hours, Quistis carefully moved away from Squall and slid out of their bed. She looked back at Squall, making sure he was asleep. The last thing she wanted was another verbal beating from him.

No movement. She breathed a quiet sigh of relief as she carefully opened the door, trying not to open the door too wide; afraid the intense lights from the corridor would wake Squall up. Quistis cautiously slipped out into the bright corridor.

She wandered aimlessly along the corridors, regretting she didn't take her weapon with her. At least she could have spent her time more productively while she waited for morning to come. She didn't particularly feel like training, or walking around in the middle of the night. She just needed to get away from the source of her hurt if she wanted to keep her sanity for another day.

As she wandered around, playing the events of the night in her head, she wondered just what she did wrong. She battled with herself on how she should have shouted back at him, how she should have told him that if he hated her so much, he should just leave her. But she would never dare to, for fear that he really would.

How stupid she was, oh, how stupid she was.

As she piled on Squall's abuse with her own, she looked up to a familiar gray door; Seifer's door. It wasn't the first time she ended up in front of his dorm after a heated argument with Squall. But after each time, she would feel so guilty that she could not bear to look at either Squall or Seifer. Her addiction to numbing away her hurt with Seifer was probably why she thought she deserved every horrible thing Squall said and did to her.

Without thinking, she turned the knob on Seifer's door, hoping it would be open. To her dismay, it was locked. She tried twisting the knob harder, jiggling it a little, just to make sure that it could not be opened. She leaned her forehead on Seifer's door, sighing. In that same second, she heard footsteps behind the door, and quickly stood back up as she heard the doorknob click.

"What the fuck do you-! … Trepe?"

Seifer stood in front of Quistis, shirtless and in a pair of black sweatpants. His harsh eyes that prepared to meet the face of an intruder softened when he saw her. Seifer sighed and shook his head.

"Trepe, Leonhart will have my head for this."

Quistis nodded, and Seifer caught a glimpse of the tears caught in her eyes that reflected against the bright corridor lights.

Running his hands through his hair, he sighed and stepped aside, letting her in. Quistis walked past him, mumbling a soft thank you as she stood behind him waiting.

"Want a drink?"

"Yes, please."

Quistis replied as she watched Seifer walk to the kitchen counter and poured her a glass of water.

"Have a seat."

Seifer motioned to Quistis as he placed the drink on a small table by the small sofa at the side of his room.

"Thank you."

Quistis felt a little out of place in Seifer's room. It was terribly messy, and dark. Seifer made no effort to turn on the lights, leaving the moonlight that shone through his windows the only source of light. She wondered if it was his way of chasing her out.

"So…"

Seifer started, never one to beat around the bush.

"What'd he do this time?"

Quistis softly told him what happened barely an hour ago. As she recounted her story, Seifer sat still in his seat, propping his arms on the back of his couch. He tried to remember since when did he become Quistis's listening ear.

He frowned, not because of the things she said, but because he was digging through his memories finding the day she poured out her feelings and cried in his arms. He wouldn't deny, he felt terribly awkward, and he wanted to scold her for being so embarrassing. But the way she wept silently and whispered about what Squall did to her, there was no way any living person could have pushed her away.

So he became her favourite gal pal since that day. He knew for a fact that no one else in Garden knew what he knew, saw what he saw. He wouldn't say that he was friends with Squall, but Squall was his comrade, and a good one at that. All wars aside, Squall and Seifer started working closely together, and it seemed that Squall, with his nonchalance to anything, was the only one who could stand working with Seifer and his foul attitude.

Working together so often, both Seifer and Squall developed a sense of unspoken respect towards one another. Seifer barely picked on Squall over childish matters, partly because he had more respect for Squall and his abilities than he did towards others, and partly because Squall was no fun to disturb, barely reacting to whatever Seifer did to annoy him.

He felt strange that he was the shoulder to cry on to his respected rival's girlfriend, and he wondered how Squall would react if he found out. He would often feel guilty when he saw Squall the day after Quistis spent the night with him, even if they did nothing but talk, and he did nothing but watch her cry until she was done crying.

But one afternoon, during a mission with Quistis in Timbre, Quistis was attacked by a Fire spell, and burned the clothes off her back. He stared at her back, seeing a long dark purple almost horizontal bruise across her back slightly above her lower back. He was sure that was not caused by any monster or training. It was a perfect line, as though she was hit by a straight stick, but it was too long and too uniformed to be an attack from a weapon.

After persistent asking, Quistis revealed that Squall pushed her away from him when she tried to comfort him a few nights ago, and she lost her footing and fell, hitting her back against the edge of the table, causing that perfect line across her back. Seifer frowned, and immediately cursed Squall, but Quistis defended Squall aggressively, saying how it was an accident, how Squall apologized furiously when he saw her hurt. Seeing how she defended Squall, Seifer kept his mouth shut.

But barely three weeks later, Quistis walked into the cafeteria with a purple bruise on her left cheekbone, slightly below her eye. She confidently told everyone that it was a training accident, caused by a slap across the face from a T-Rex's tail. But with his prior knowledge, Seifer refused to believe her.

And when she visited him that night, as he knew she would, she explained everything without him even asking. Squall had roughly climbed off her after, saying how he regretted ever being with her, and she scrambled out of bed as quick as she could so she wouldn't hear anything else that would cut her deeper than any injury she ever received.

In her bid to escape that awful bed, she hit her cheekbone against the corner of the bedside table as she tumbled out. She looked back wondering if Squall saw what happened, or would be concerned at the thud that she made, but nothing. Squall asked her the next morning what had happened when he saw her bruise, and he seem indifferent about it, only telling her to be more careful.

She rambled on to an angry Seifer, who gripped his fist tightly, fighting with himself if he should confront his Commander. But as tears slipped from her eyes, his target changed to Quistis. He lashed out at her, asking her what she was doing with someone who didn't care for her. Telling her that she was an embarrassment, telling her she was nothing like the Quistis he knew. He hissed harsh words to her, as he drew closer and closer to her face.

And their lips met. He couldn't tell if it was because she pushed forward to shut him up, or he leaned closer, wanting to kiss away her hurt. Why he would even feel that way, he didn't know.

That was the first night they had sex. He kissed away her pain, replacing all the harsh actions of Squall towards her with his careful, uncharacteristically tender touches. He questioned what he felt for Quistis that night, and every day after. Especially after she woke up in the middle of the night to slip back into Squall's bed.

He had a brief moment with her after that night, where she told him it could never happen again, and he agreed. He didn't want his Commander, and someone who he could consider a friend to find out he was fucking his girlfriend.

But when she appeared at his doorstep two weeks later, they both knew this was not going to stop, at least not anytime soon.

At first, he barely felt guilty about his late night talks and pleasuring nights with Quistis. But after a mission with Squall, where he mumbled drunkenly about how Quistis was the only thing that kept him in Garden, that he was an awful person for treating her the way he did. He cursed himself inwardly at why he had to be everybody's fucking listening ear.

Ever since then, he didn't feel as comfortable as he wanted to be whenever Quistis popped by. There would be a tinge of guilt whenever she talked about Squall, and even more guilt when she begged him to comfort her. But somewhere along the way, she became someone he couldn't say no to.

He was awakened back to the present when he felt her fingers on his thigh. Quistis crawled closer to him as she wiped her tears from her eyes.

"Quistis…"

Seifer warned, knowing that the next day, heck within the next hour, he and Quistis would feel terrible about themselves and spend the next couple of days avoiding each other, until Squall's next temper tantrum.

But Quistis moved her face closer to his, not taking heed of what Seifer cautioned. With her hand on the head of the couch beside Seifer's face, and her other hand pressed on Seifer's thigh, she closed the gap between their lips and gave Seifer the softest of kisses, never greedy, never wanting more than just to make contact with his lips.

After she nibbled gently on the center of his bottom lip, Seifer placed his palm on her chest, making sure he didn't go too low, and gently pushed her away.

"Quistis."

Seifer warned again. She looked into his eyes for a few seconds, before she croaked,

"Please Seifer."

Her voice sounded hopelessly desperate.

"I… I can't… If… If you too… Tonight…"

Seifer would have rolled his eyes at her incoherent words if it wasn't for that look in her eyes. Despite how pathetic he felt she sounded, her eyes were somehow full of fierce determination, and she made him feel like he was standing in the orphanage again, with her yelling at him for pouring dirt in her hair. Upset as any young girl would feel when she felt she was being bullied, but believing that her determination to scold the naughty out of him would work.

Seifer reveled in that familiar feeling and caved. His lips met hers again in an effort to stop her from sounding more pitiable than she already was. He would never admit, but he held her in such high regard that sounding like a pathetic little child crying about someone who hurt her, crushed him.

His hands moved to cradle her face as he kissed her tenderly, pulling her towards him. After seconds, they pulled back, both taking deep breaths through half laden eyes. Quistis moved first, pulling her loose fitting t-shirt swiftly over her head, exposed her perfectly round mounds.

Seifer moved forward, pushing her back a little, letting her butt land on his thighs. His hands stroked her pale taut abdomen and he leaned forward to kiss her again. With her lips never leaving his, she lifted herself and pulled the waistband of her shorts and underwear down her thighs, struggling a little to unhook it past her knees with Seifer still seated between her legs.

Seifer's hands continued to roam her chest and naked hips as she started to tug on the waistband of his sweatpants.

"Fuck, Trepe."

Seifer whispered against her lips as he lifted up his hips and quickly removed his pants, his erection already standing at full attention. Quistis wasted no time and gingerly kissed his jaw, trailing kisses down his neck. She whispered his name as she licked along his collarbone.

Seifer felt his hair stand on ends when she said his name and shuddered when her fingers stroked his length as she moved her hips closer to his. He placed on hand oh her soft mould and another stroked her cheek.

As she slid her wetness along his shaft, he thought to himself about how wet she was barely minutes after they started. He wondered if her tears were just a tactic to get him in bed with her. He smiled against her neck as he thought about how that actually could be a real possibility.

She steadied her entrance above him, and she nibbled on his ear, and mumbled a soft,

"Please?"

Seifer smirked, wondering how the hell Squall could resist such a plea from such a beautiful woman. He placed his hands on her hips, and she braced herself. In a split second, he pulled her hips down as he buckled his pelvis upwards, meeting her as she gasped.

He enjoyed these little games with Quistis, not there was any game involved when it came to her. It was always wham, bam, thank you m'am with her. She never needed foreplay or romantic small talk; she just wanted to use him to drown her hurt. And he was more than happy to be used, by her.

As he kept focused on moving himself in and out of her rhythmically, his eyes never left her face, carefully studying the lashes of her closed eyes, her flushed cheeks, the curve of her slightly parted lips. Hyne, she was a perfect human being.

His eyes moved down her slender neck, looking at the little wells that her boney collarbones made, and rested firmly on her chest, looking at the flawlessly round flesh and pink tips bounce up and down at his hip's command. His gaze was pulled away when he heard her started to moan softly, crumbling jerkily closer to his body.

Unwillingly, he moved his hands away from her hips and prayed that his back pressed against the couch would provide him some leverage to keep thrusting his hips into her. His arms snaked around her waist and back and held her tightly to him as her body shook violently as she succumbed to pleasure.

Strangely arousing 'uh-uh' sounds emitted from her throat as she latched her teeth onto Seifer's shoulder, trying her best to keep as quiet as she could. Seifer swore he was bleeding, and wondered if she would leave a very controversial mark on him. But he loved it, always had loved scars on his body, and this one, would be one he would be incredibly proud of.

As she trembled in his arms, he devised how he would proudly show off her marking to others, right in front of her. Oh, how fun it would be to see her squirm, afraid that he would reveal her secret any moment. He knew he would never expose her, but how much fun he could have with her. He was fucking mean, and he loved it.

Quistis started to float down from her high, and Seifer continued to push himself into her. Still feeling a wonderful tingling between her thighs, she moved close to Seifer's ear, pressing her chest firmly against his chest, and whispered,

"One more? Please?"

Seifer agreed to her request with a grunt. Still holding her close to him with his left arm, he moved his right hand down her back, his fingers running over the little discs of her spine. He quickly moved his hand towards her belly, and straight towards his target, Quistis's little sensitive bead that was now completely slick with her wetness.

He pressed his thumb roughly on that little tip of her junction and started rubbing furiously. Quistis, still sensitive from her previous high whimpered under his touch and once again bit him fiercely, this time a little closer to the base of his neck. The pain was horribly pleasurable, and for a brief moment, he knew Quistis must have drew blood, but that thought was soon forgotten as he started to feel that familiar peak reaching him.

He groaned as he pulled her closer to him, feeling her rub herself again his pelvis while she slid herself up and down to bring them to pleasure. He felt Quistis tremble against him again, and her inner walls contract violently around him, and he knew it was his turn.

He pulled her off him, and she junctioned herself to his thigh, easily sliding the joining of her thighs up and down his. Without needing him to ask, she reached for his throbbing rod and grasp on to him tightly, clumsily milking him for all he had as she herself experience pleasure beyond words causing her to barely focus on the task at hand.

Seifer wrapped his fingers around hers and helped her to ease any last fluids out of him as he groaned. When they were done, Seifer breathed out a sigh of release as he reached for a discarded shirt on the floor and passed it to a physically spent Quistis to clean her hands. He thought to himself that he really should clean up his room, but that was a plan for another time.

After she was done, she helped to wipe him as clean as he could. Seifer kept his eyes on her, his thigh still caught between her legs, her hair carelessly tucked behind her ears, her blue eyes watching her hands that took such gentle care of him. Hyne, in case he hadn't already said she was perfect, he would say it again.

"It's ok Trepe."

Seifer's took the soiled shirt from her hands and threw it on the floor closer to his bathroom.

Quistis shook her head and gave him a soft smile as she looked up at him. The moonlight highlighted her face perfectly.

"You really so do something about your room."

"Yeah, yeah."

Seifer waved her off as he felt her lift herself off him, he watched as she wobbled away, picking up her clothes. She was fucking adorable; the way her knees pressed together probably still experiencing tingles as she put on her shirt. Seifer moved his legs off the couch as he leaned his elbows against his knees.

They sat there in silence until Quistis finished dressing.

"So… pretend like nothing happened tomorrow?"

Quistis froze. It was always understood that they were stuck in a cycle of pretense, but she never had to tell him to pretend. It sounded horrible when he put it in words and the righteous side of her seemed to feel very conflicted, though what she was doing should already call for much more guilt than asking someone to lie and pretend.

"If… Do you… I mean-"

"Yeah, yeah, don't worry. I know what to fucking do."

Seifer waved her off for the second time that night. Quistis didn't know whether to be appreciative or guilty. Was he upset with her for using him? Did he expect anything more to happen? Quistis stood still as Seifer got up and walked butt naked towards her.

"Seifer… I-"

"Don't worry Trepe, you're fucking gorgeous, so I don't mind. If you were ugly though, well, that's another story. And, I'm not the long-tem relationship kind of guy."

Seifer replied, almost as though he read her thoughts. For once, Quistis truly valued the relationship she and Seifer had. She trusted him more than anyone else in the world. And probably a hundred times more than Squall.

"Thank you."

Quistis whispered to an approaching Seifer.

"Anytime Trepe."

Seifer replied before placing a gentle kiss on her lips. They remained lip to lip for a few seconds, Quistis's hands were placed on his chest as his arms wrapped around the small of her back.

When they finally broke off,

"Hope I don't see you again soon Trepe."

Quistis nodded quietly, happy that she could experience his kindness as he wished her the most impossible thing, that Squall would one day stop breaking her heart.

"If only."

With a small smile, she slipped out of his room as quietly and quickly as she came in.

Seifer starred at the door for a few more seconds, telling himself if that was what love is, he would pray that he never fell in love. Oh, how she loved him, and he wondered if anyone would ever love him the way she did Squall.

Seifer let out a soft laugh as he ran his fingers through his hair again and turned towards his bed, and flopped lazily onto his mattress, wishing that Quistis would never feel hurt again, but secretly wishing he would have her in his arms again.

Yeah, if only.

And Seifer drifted off to sleep.

Author's note: I will have another update about an event following this chapter. The ending of this chapter is perfect for those who like a Quistis/Seifer pairing. But if you prefer a Quistis/Squall pairing instead, that will be in the next chapter (it doesn't quite change the way Squall feels for Quistis though).


End file.
